The Doctors and Kirk

Based on something someone said in a forum about the Second Doctor and Kirk. Suppose we have a typical crossover scenario where the Doctor and companions are interrupted in their investigations of strange doings by the Enterprise crew, and that the initial escape/recaptures have led to a bridge scene where Kirk attempts to deal with the common threat behind said doings, with the help/hindrance of the Doctor.

First Doctor. Suggests that Kirk is being impetuous and foolish, then allows Kirk to prove himself wrong. Then slips in a backhanded compliment - 'You're an intelligent young man, Captain, if only you'd think' - then suggests the winning strategy.

Second Doctor. Slily allows Kirk to try the mistaken approach - 'If you think that's the best way.' Spock recognises what he's doing. The Doctor then supplies a solution which doesn't quite work ('Oh my giddy aunt!') and then, as the threat grows ever larger on the viewscreen, Ben/Zoe has an idea which Spock refines to save the day.

Third Doctor. Rounds on Kirk for improper behaviour, invoking his friend Admiral Rowlands, naming some galactic convention which the Captain has violated, or saying that even the Brigadier has more intelligence. Then he's just suggested the winning strategy when the saturnine Admiral di Maestro appears, has him locked up again, and takes command of the Enterprise. They're on the way to somewhere sinister when McCoy sees through the Admiral and releases the Doctor. One quick bridge argument later, and the Doctor and Kirk join forces to defeat the threat.

Fourth Doctor. Having been ignored/insulted, displays enormous contempt for Kirk - 'you human paramilitary commanders are always so insular' - until Kirk has to swallow his pride and start listening to him. Probably lashes together an ingenious technical solution with the assistance of a wondering Scotty - 'Och, it's either genius or it'll blow us all to kingdom come!'

Fifth Doctor. Two possible courses here: in the first one, spends 40 minutes telling Kirk that there must be another way, 1 minute reluctantly destroying the threat then 1 minute saying there should have been another way. In the second, tells Kirk that there is another way until he listens, then successfully communicates with the threat and shows that it didn't mean to attack them. Meanwhile, Adric stuffs his face in the recreation area (both plots).

Sixth Doctor. Clash of egos sees him quickly back in the brig while Peri hangs round on the bridge looking miserable. Eventually, for lack of any other solution, he has to be released and flattered a bit before he solves the problem by blowing the threat up.

Seventh Doctor. Same lines as the Second Doctor really, except with less slyness and more quiet, dark hints. Again, his solution doesn't initially work until he hangs off his umbrella in a Jefferies tube for a bit fiddling with some vital component. (Alternative plot where it turns out he summoned the threat in the first place to teach Kirk a lesson).